Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Airplane review - Post 3


Living in the state of "California" I am constantly exposed to one of humanity's biggest mistakes: the "airplane". Perhaps you (the reader) have heard of this incredible catastrophe. It is large and big with a couple wings on the sides? Ever heard of it? No? Well you are one lucky man I must say.

De spite this I figure it is only fair to provide a little HISTORY on the monster many people call "the airplane":

1. Orvile Right and Wilver Right (no relation, as I recall) made the "airplane" for the 1st time of anybody. Of course the two Right men don't make airplanes now, in fact neither have been seen in several decades. I once heard an elected official say that "2 wrongs don't make a right". This is true. But also in this case I think it is safe to say that 2 Rights make a wrong.....

2. In the 1960's or 1970's airplanes really began to take over. Everybody had a plane or two (except back then they called them "EagleWangs"). Neighbors would call to each other "Hey Jimbo, how's the EagleWang? You and the Mrs. still enjoying the sex?".         Are you starting to see why I dont really care for these airplains??

3. Here we are today. Look up and all around you. I would bet many things that there are several airplanes in you're eyesight alone. Simply put, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

Nextly, I dont know if you (once again, the reader) have ever been on one of these things. But it is just AWFUL. I had my 1st experience 4 years ago when traveling from Fresno, California to Phenix, Arizona. I boarded the plane and was immediately thrown to my seat by a (easy on the eyes, if I do say so myself) stewardess wearing a proper unifrom. She introduced her self as Jeanette and I. Was. In. Love. But this is all besides the point. My experience was, oh I dont know, LESS than pleasant. For one, they served no milk (of any percent, believe me I asked) or Mike's Hard Lemonade (my favorite drink but shhh). After settling for "Cran Barry Jews" (anyone else never heard of this "drink"?) I had a full blatter. I went to the bathroom only to find my "good friend" Jeanette blocking the doorway with an apparently unmovable drink carte. I told her I really had to go, and we got into a little scuffle. The next thing I knew we had landed at the Provolone, Utah airporte where I was taken off the plane (rescued).

As you can see me and planes have a ways to go before I'd ever fly again.
I hoped this helped anybody thinking about flying make a decision.
Yours truly.

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