Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Photography class

Some exciting news, or should I say "Nuze"
Well folks and femalefolks, Im at it again! This man (The person of "California") has done somehting new, outragous, and a tad spicy.....I have joined a PhotographyClass taught by local legend and my personal best friend, "Jeff O. from Fresno, CA". I must admit I have sucked up my wuss fears and am taking this class on the internet (The blog can also be found there). Now, the loyal readers, the fans that would never stop reading my bog just because some new hipster civil rights bullshit comes along, know I can't stand phony bulls**t (I think we can all guess what the missing letters are... LOL). So I made a vow to me that I will only take good tasteful art professional funny classsy pictures during the class. And readers, I must say, it is going good. So ****ing (Párdôn me French por favore, Im just excited!!) good in fact, that I have decided to give you a little taste of the work- a drop of the mother's milk, if you will.

The shots, the pics (Epic)

A personal number one

The Gipper always knew who came first, The troops.....of The US of A!!

Certainly an other great one-

When I took this, Gipper said to me "Son I want this lookin American- like a couple of good soldiers eatin a couple of appel pie hamburgers while a couple of broads dance around them- you know what I mean son? For god sakes what is it with your generation? But anyway I am Gipper . Gipper good president"

I'm obviously proud of this one- but its the best of them all

Gipper was a hero- a damn american and damn humble hero at that- but that doesn'tm mean gipper didn't let me take some jjust awesome shots of him doin' what the man did best- sending illegals back where they came from and giving a swift one two punch to any liberale that stood in his way.

Now obviously Im proud..........of America. And of Gipper......But also these pics that I took on my camera, which Jeff O. gave a D+??? (D for democracy maybe you commie fuck- I will end you.)
No, no, but seriously, have a happy holidays everyone, stay safe out there, and take it easy on the Nog (egg or otherwise XD).

Merry Chrismas to you all,

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The war...........On New Years

Theres A War Going On Outside

I know as a kid, a child/youth, I remember my favorite holeday being new years eve. I wuold stay up to see the big CrystallineBall drop in TimeSquare while all the gays sang their songs. Sometime, I would even have a little "Champain" to take the edge off- I was a true adult: tuxedo and all. The point is, I (like everyAmericans) remembers the Good 'Ol Days of 12/31. But the man in the suit and OvelOffice, barackHUSSEINobama,  is desperately trying to take this all away from us. He has practically said "Hello USA I am going to keep it the same year always. No celebrations. HaHaHa." Yes my friends and colleaggues, Obama has officially launched THE WAR ON NEW YEARS.

The Memories

First Id like to talk about all the fun times Ive had as a man participating in the holiday New Years. One Year, my freind Millard and I went to a rather lavish party at the local watering hole. It's name: The Legendary Hard Rock Café. This year Millard and I decided to pull out all the stops: We bought t-shirts that said F.B.I.. on the front. We walked in- EVERYBODY thought we were cops. But the FBI didn't stand for the usual "Federal Board Of Investagation"- No, it stood for "Female Body Inspectors"  (HAHAHAHAHAHA I AM STILL LAUGHING ROFL). Safe to say, we were the life of the party. Everybody crowded around our booth, and for that night, We. Were. Kings. It's these classic memories that make me cherish the holiday so much.... ;(

The Goverment's Plan

Okay folks, try to keep up here, because this is where it all gets a little "whacky". Obama claims to be from "HawaiState" in the PecificOcean. As we all know there are time zones in this country (This countrys going to the dogs, but hey, were still civilized.). Hawai is the last of all the states in time zones. This means that It will be a new year (2003 for example) in the rest of country but still be old year in Hawai(2002 for example). This gives obama the natural reason to not like New Years Ev. He feels jealous of the rest of USA (the real, honest, hardworking part) because he is last to celebrate. That is his "motive", next is his "plan". According to studies obama took office approx. Janaury 2009. He participated in an "inauguration". Videoes of this occur OnLine, and in the videoes he clearly says the following words throughout the 4Hour event: "It", "will", "always", "be", and "this year". Alone these words don't mean much, just the mumblings of a lunatic, but when you make a sentence out of them, they clearly show obama DEMANDING the year to remain untouched, like a sensual lavender flower in the California desert. 

Is There Hope A Chance At Freedom??

The point is, lamestream media can talk all they want about how great it is having a dictator, but I will never be okay surrendering in the most important war of the past 11 years- The War.......On New Years Holiday.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Review of a trip to the theater

Not the good old days of theater

When I got to this state- Califonria that is- Every single neighbor of mine (the English speaking ones. I mean, come on) told me I needed to check out the local plays. Now, I'm a pretty smart guy. Anyway, I went to the theater for a local production of my all time favorite play: "The Batman in GOTHAM City".

For those who are ununfamiliar I will provide a breif summary of the play- Local man and business man by the name of Bruce Wang is bitten by a Radio-Active bat to become none other than- TheBatman! TheBatman then fights crime in gotham city- a sleepy American town- the classic Anytown, U.S.A..
TheBatman has many rivals: There is TheJokér (based on the playing card HAHAHA LOL). There is also CatWoman- best friends and wife of TheJokér. (She is also easy on the eyes, I must add Haha). OfCourse their are other rivals, but who has the time for that.  On to the play!

This was the WORST production of the play "The Batman In gotham City" I have ever seen in my life. The actors seemed uninformed, the set didnt match the play, the dialoge made no sense, and TheBatman never once put his classic cape on. They only refered to TheBatman as "Sween E. Todd", not Bruce Wang, as is correct. In the original, Bruce Wang is a big business man, but here he was portrayed as but a lowly barber. Also, this version took place in the GB (united kingdom, governah (LOL)), not the USA. It was now a singysongy type show with not enough Wang-in-your-face style action that us guys (bros) are looking for in such a play. I want a play to leave me un-able to walk the next morning (if you catch my drift)

I am a guy, Im looking for the classic B.E.C.B.- Babes, Explosions, Cars, and more Babes. Hey, I can't help it Im a guy!!! (girls dont understand). Anyway, this JOKE of a play had none of it. I struggle currently to think of a worse time Ive ever had at going to the theater. This was rock bottom.

Its tough to judge whether Iwill ever go back. On one handed, I do love the plays- its one art thats not just a bunch of men in beards and tight pants (Hahaha, but it is true). But I have been turned off from all things stage because of this utter BOONDOGGLE.

I will leave it at that.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Favorite and least names (Xander)

Folk's-  when I was growing up life was pretty dang simple: everybody got along, we ate turkey on thanksgiving, and all dressed up on halloween. The fact is, we were all just you're Average American Joes. Including the fact that there weren't that many names- John, Joe, Sam, Tom, just classic names. However, living in "California" I ended up realizing that there are more names then ever, using all different kinds of letters and numbers (hahaha  I know).

Just yesterday I went to the grocery store (a "marcado" if you will ) and when I went up to the deli, you will never believe who stepped up to serve me (no, not Jeanette LOL) it was none other than a man of medium-build named "Xander". Now I nearly dropped my large basket of power bars and other fitness foods (no, really) when I saw this pathetic excuse for a name!!!!!! I thought it sounded like a name straight out of "StarTrek". He explained to me that it was actually pranounced like "Zander" not "Ksander" but I wasn't buying it! I said to the man "Ksander, do your parents know that you go by such a quite frankly ridiculus name??? "
He simply had no response (so the story goes).

But all that a side, here is the list of the top and bottom names (in my "opinion"):

Ronald- Name (no pun inintended) just one person named with the name Ronald that has turned out to be bad. Try it! I guarantee you the task is simply impossible! Next!

Jeff- One of the best and (in this writer's opinion) first presidents was Thomas Jeffereson. Ever since he was president   I have a fond fascination of the name Jeff. Heck if I ever got a couple of kids of my own someday, I might just name em Jeff.

Jesus- Please. I find it offensive, no, dumb, that you think Jesus (and none of that Hey-zoose business, we're talking full on Jee-zus ) wouldn't be on my top name's list. If I re-call correctly, God had a son or something? and what was his name? Ah yes, I remember: J.E.S.U.S.

Geoff- I cant remember exactly whom it was that said it but I believe the quote goes something like "Geoff is how everybody evil, especially Nazi's (P.U.) spells the better name Jeff". Simply put: Geoff is to Jeff as Satan is to Santa.

OJ- (no pulp please hahahahaha somebody stop me!) but seriously I have never IN MY LIFE liked the name OJ since the mid 90's. And I know what your thinking: wasnt there a famous person of sorts named "OJ"?? And yes this is true, but I a sure you that has nothing to do with my dislike for the name. Lets just move on shall we?

Hugh- Need I say more? This alleged "name" breaks nearly EVERY law of decent order and politeness on the books. First of all the spelling- this name is more misspelled than an athiest TRYING to spell "Lord". How the devil ever arrived at the supposedly correct "Hyu pronunciation" is beyond me.... Like what did the maker of the name "Hugh" work at the g factory and need to sell some more g's into words??? (hahaha just a joke LOL). Its safe to say that the day Hugh Hughington is elected predisent is the day I move out, of the country!!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Airplane review - Post 3


Living in the state of "California" I am constantly exposed to one of humanity's biggest mistakes: the "airplane". Perhaps you (the reader) have heard of this incredible catastrophe. It is large and big with a couple wings on the sides? Ever heard of it? No? Well you are one lucky man I must say.

De spite this I figure it is only fair to provide a little HISTORY on the monster many people call "the airplane":

1. Orvile Right and Wilver Right (no relation, as I recall) made the "airplane" for the 1st time of anybody. Of course the two Right men don't make airplanes now, in fact neither have been seen in several decades. I once heard an elected official say that "2 wrongs don't make a right". This is true. But also in this case I think it is safe to say that 2 Rights make a wrong.....

2. In the 1960's or 1970's airplanes really began to take over. Everybody had a plane or two (except back then they called them "EagleWangs"). Neighbors would call to each other "Hey Jimbo, how's the EagleWang? You and the Mrs. still enjoying the sex?".         Are you starting to see why I dont really care for these airplains??

3. Here we are today. Look up and all around you. I would bet many things that there are several airplanes in you're eyesight alone. Simply put, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

Nextly, I dont know if you (once again, the reader) have ever been on one of these things. But it is just AWFUL. I had my 1st experience 4 years ago when traveling from Fresno, California to Phenix, Arizona. I boarded the plane and was immediately thrown to my seat by a (easy on the eyes, if I do say so myself) stewardess wearing a proper unifrom. She introduced her self as Jeanette and I. Was. In. Love. But this is all besides the point. My experience was, oh I dont know, LESS than pleasant. For one, they served no milk (of any percent, believe me I asked) or Mike's Hard Lemonade (my favorite drink but shhh). After settling for "Cran Barry Jews" (anyone else never heard of this "drink"?) I had a full blatter. I went to the bathroom only to find my "good friend" Jeanette blocking the doorway with an apparently unmovable drink carte. I told her I really had to go, and we got into a little scuffle. The next thing I knew we had landed at the Provolone, Utah airporte where I was taken off the plane (rescued).

As you can see me and planes have a ways to go before I'd ever fly again.
I hoped this helped anybody thinking about flying make a decision.
Yours truly.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

What the "Web" Has to Offer - Post 2

I investigate my new surroundings

Because I am writing a "Blog" (in fact you are reading it right now lol) on the World Wide Web, I have decided to do a little "snooping" around the Web to see what it has to offer. (Cue Snoop Dawg music). If you are like me, you have noticed that there is one thing on the Web nowadays that just doesn't seem to go away. Of course I am talking about the video known as the "HarlemShake". A HipPop song that seems to be all fine and well in the beginning, but then turns into a crazy display of dancing and masks.

As you may expect, I have quite the number of issues with this dance, which I shall list here:

1. I did a quick mental calculation and it turns out that the US of A could save nearly 40 trillion $ / a year if we didnt make these "HarlemShake" videos- think about it- the taxpayer is footing the bill for Keenwa McLiberal and his friends to make these videos with expensive costumes, masks, sets, cameras, musics, etc. Does the number 40 trillion $ sound familiar to you? Its because a little something called the national debt is the same amount.......

2. The name "HarlemShake" makes people like me anxious and somewhat paranoid....

3. Here in "California" (where apparently the city of "Haarlem" is not) people do the "shake" (as diehard fans call it) everywhere- the workplace, the public park, the power plant, the homeless shelter, and I could go on.....

Its interesting that a once great nation could have their now weak testicles so captivated by this monstrosity of a dance production. In fact it seems, at least to this writer, that The A of US (jk) has put it's best days behind it as it heads towards the retirement community known as the "HarlemShake".

Monday, September 22, 2014

Inaugural Californiaperson Post - Post 1

A little bit about I

I'd like to start by saying something about myself that hopefully you already know: I have never cared much for the "World Wide Web". I think it is mostly a big waste of time filled with atheist garbage and those pesky penis enhandsomement ads. But who was it, perhaps George Washingotn or some other type of famous person, that once said "we must look our enemies in the face for it is when we do so that we know we are truly safe from harm's way". I intend to do roughly the same thing with this blog. I am mounting my glistening sword deep in the mountain of evil that is the "Web", and attempting to declare freedom. I mean, heck, I'm no Thomas Jeffferson, but it can't hurt to try, LOL.

Anyway, it is with great pleasure that I announce why I am started this "Blog":

1. I moved to the state of "California" alittle over a year ago, and I figure it could do the world some good to hear about my travels.

2. I want to class up the internet. I mean come on, you can't deny that it could use it. xD

3. Its no secret that I one day intend to mount a run for public office in the greatest country in the world: good ol US of A. I'm hoping that by building a fan base I will one day secure the votes from the American people to become congressman of the US of A. (Don't worry I wont ever have a scandal or anything like that LOL)

4. When you get to be a Californiaperson like myself, there is no shortage of hilarious antics that you find yourself in nearly everyday, and I want to chronicle these antics much like the great writers Ann Frank and Lou Gerihg.

5. As somewhat of a intellectual, I am fascinated by many things that I want to end up writing about (which of course, I can do right here on this "Blog")

I look forward to your readership.